SusanRoAne/The Mingling Maven

Picky Eaters---UNITE!

Yes, I admit it. I am an awfully picky eater. Can't help it. Mother said I was a picky eater from Day One. There are just foods I don't like! Never did. And now, there are foods that, sadly, no longer like me. To protect my vocal cords, my ENT specialist put me on the GERD Acid reflux diet two decades ago. As a professional speaker, he felt that I needed to my ensure vocal health.
No problem: I gave up the acidic, spicey, caffeinated foods and stopped eating late at night. NO garlic nor onions cross my lips and dairy is nary a food in which I indulge. But when I looked down the DO NOT EAT list and saw chocolate, I could only assume that was a medical mistake and blithely continued on my Sees/Mounds Bars candy path. Then came the recommended diet to ensure bone health and that wasn't so terrible. Afer all, I didn't want osteoporosis so sodas were on the Do Not Buy list.

The good news is that I don't get heartburn, feel overly stuffed, my bone density increased 5.3%, my vocal cords are in good health and my voice doesn't get hoarse. The bad news: you may think I'm no fun as I don't splurge on the verbotten. The good news: if you like fries, I'm always up for splitting an order...as long as they are extra cripsy. As a born an bred Chicagoan, you can always tempt me to eat a Vienna hot dog even if we aren't at the ballpark!

There are foods I really like that no longer agree with me. I promise not to make comments about your eating habits nor will I make faces at the foods I can't stand. But please, don't give me grief about my eating. There are people with diverticulitis, diabetis, Krohn's disease who must eat carefully and shouldn't have to apologize for their eating regime. The point is that we can enjoy each other's company and conversations even if we don't have the same food preferences. Whether it's a business lunch or dinner with a longtime friend, let's give each other some latitude and leeway. Ultimately, that's the right way.

And your way???? susan@susanroane.com

And the Band (Paul Thorn's) Played on ...CONAN

Paul Thorn is an extraordinary musician whose following is growing daily. Listening to his music is engaging because his songs tell a story that compels us to tap our toes and dance in our chairs (or on the dance floor). I had the good fortune to hear the band play last summer an open concert at San Francisco's Stern Grove when they opened for home town favorite, Huey Lewis. I was there for a specific reason: the superb drummer, Jeffery Perkins, is my cousin. But I was smitten with the songs, the music and the commentary from Paul Thorn who is a Southern Charmer from Tupaloo although I am a Motown, salsa, hip-hop fan.

Watching them play on Conan O'Brien provided significant visible lessons. They were having FUN! You could see they loved making music together and were a team in the truest sense of the word. They didn't need a team building coach... they are a band, a team of notes.

I just saw them play at Rancho Nicasio and chatted with the keyboardist who explained to me why they look so happy when they play, "We really love working together!" How's that for a concept??? If you like working with the team...the results are visible and, in this case, audible.

They drive thousands of miles, rehearse for hours and perform across the country for many different types of audiences. They deal with broken strings, bad or great sound systems and all the exigencies that musicians encounter but it's all do-able because they LIKE working together and all are super-committed to their craft and their music and each other. Team building experts: take heed. The Paul Thorn Band is the team to emulate.

Tune in to Jimmy Kimmel on April 22nd (ABC) after Nightline or see The Paul Thorn Band when they come to your town.

Gearing Up for Gritty Times….Getting Your Safety Net-work in Place

Author and editor, Michael Korda, wrote that one thing we must have by 40 is a network of people we know. Whether we are twenty four, forty or qualify as members of AARP, the advice still rings true. I called it our SAFETY NET in The Secrets of Savvy Networking and likened it to that safety net that firefighters use to save people. The current business and economic times are much like walking that tightrope on high. The fall can only be protected by a safety net---work of friends, colleagues, acquaintances and clients. All those people we encounter in all facets of our life are part of that safety net.

None of this is new. In fact, it's same-old, same-old. What is new is that part of our safety net is online in business and social networking sites liked Linked In or Facebook. But our networking cannot be limited to internet interaction. We must be active off-line in "our space".

Just as important as our network is to us in TRUE GRITty times is that we are part and parcel of the safety nets of others. We have information, sources, ideas, leads, expertise that supports our contacts, friends and colleagues in their potential free fall from the grace of a business, a job or a career.

What to do to ensure the strength of our safety network? NETWORK as if it's 2008.

1). Identify who you know. Some of those people are in online networks but others are not. Get a clear picture of who you know from all facets of your life. It may sound remedial but write those names down. Use your PDA, contact management program or a blank piece of paper and pencil.

2). Re-connect. Whether you send an email, text or call, be sure to stay in touch. A bonus tip: Do so when things are going well and you need nothing. But if things are looking shaky (you are not getting enough referrals, the company you work for is downsizing, clients are not beating a path to your door), re-connect.

3). Stay visible. Online sources are fabulous BUT the meat of the matter starts to sizzle when we MEET, face – to – face. SHOW UP at local networking events, your chamber, the Rotary, BNI, community and charity events and fundraisers, etc.. That is the heart and soul of How To Work A Room®. So much more happens when we shake hands, laugh, converse and share a beverage or a meal. That connection has depth that inspires us to want to help our dinner, beer or coffee mate and vice versa.

4) Offer/ASK for ideas, leads, referrals, assistance of any type. Research indicates that we feel good when we help others. By the same token, they will feel good to help us.

5) Follow-through. That is the key to the kingdom. Without it, nothing happens. We don't expand our network, develop new ideas or build relationships. Send the email, the text message or, better yet, be different and use your phone to make a call. The phone is two- way communication and allows for a duologue rather than some words on a screen that could easily be misinterpreted.

6) Keep people in the loop. Let people know the progress of their suggestion, referral, lead or advice. It's the savvy and considerate thing to do. NO ONE likes to find out that a lead produced a job, client or membership in an organization from the grapevine. That doesn't reflect well on us.

7) Acknowledge all good deeds done on your behalf. Giving Thanks is a given. When the good times come around, you'll have a great network in place and some wonderful friends you've made alone the way.

©RoAne2008 All rights reserved

The above information is based on The Secrets of Savvy Networking available by POD from Hachette books and as an audiobook from Audio Renaissance.

www.susanroane.com susan@susanroane.com

In the Presence of Genius

It's uncommon to associate the world of rock and roll with wisdom, philosophy and gentility. But then, again, Robert Fripp, a founder of King Crimson, is far from common. He is a gentle genius whose music speaks volumes and his words and musings are music to one's ears.

Although I've had the opportunity to hear Robert Fripp play his music, I recently had the good fortune to attend two programs offered by Frippand Fripp: Patricia, the extraordinary speaker and executive speech coach and the interviewer; and
Brother Robert, the the guitarists' guitarist who was the interviewee. Robert spoke on the steps of the journey from being the novice to the genius as you pass through the professional and mastery levels. He candidly shared his stories of forty years in rock and roll and, through that, I learned how dedicated to craft and passionate one must be. His fans hung on every word as he distilled four decades into hours.

Whether you are an aspiring musician or speaker or entrepreneur or engineer or hairdresser, there is so much wisdom to glean from Robert Fripp, the teacher. I know I did. Our teachers appear in many forms and come from distinctly different and often, unlikely, backgrounds. When they appear, we just have to, as the saying goes, be ready.

Critics, Critiques and Comments

Being a critic is an interesting profession. The expectation is that the person analyzes/opines on performances, food, art, fashion, wine, etc. They have experience and, allegedly, a body of knowledge and training on a subject. Sometimes I read movie reviews and am shocked at the undeserved accolades or shredding. But then again the job title is "critic" , not complimenter.
Recently, a friend, whose opinion I trust, suggested that I ignore the reviews and go see The Bucket List. It was great advice as I enjoyed it immensely. If it felt contrived, unrealistic or "schmaltzy" to some reviewers, to me it was entertaining and thought-provoking. After all, having a "kick the bucket" list, is something to consider. For some it may be about the adventures they want to have and for others it may be about the legacy they leave. The question being: Is the world or some part of it a better place better you inhabited it? And could anything with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson not be entertaining???
What I constantly learn is that people come from their perspectives as they review or evaluate. While I adored Superbad, the unabashed endorsements it received from highly regarded reviewers were puzzling. A movie buff friend explained that it appealed to each (male) reviewer's "inner fifteen year old boy". No kidding.
I'm sensitive to the review issue as I live in a world of people who feel they MUST critique. comment and evaluate every presentation, book and article. And everyone is a copy editor! One person decided to correct my use of the phrase " feels bad". Having majored in English and taught grammar, I know that "feels badly" in incorrect (verbs of sense are modified by adjectives not adverbs). Yes, you can just imagine how much fun I had correcting the INcorrector. Of course, that person had never corrected my grammar again.

For almost two decades I have posited that "constructive criticism" is a misnomer. It says alot about the giver of feedback more than it does the receiver. In a recent interview, San Francisco Ballet's principal dancer, Pierre Francois Vilanoba, was asked if he read reviews. His response was illuminating, and for this keynote speaker, very affirming. "Now that I am more established, I pay attention to how I feel about what I did." Well said.

And what do you have to say? susan@susanroane.com

LIving and Working in "OUR SPACE"

Living and working in that shared area which we can call, "our space", has some unwritten rules. While it can sound out of date, being considerate is essential. Whether we like it or not, what we do and say in that shared area is seen, heard, assessed and YIKES... even judged by others.

How to navigate the sometimes rough waters? What I tell my audiences, whether they are executives or the executive assistants, "Do what you think would make your favorite grandparent proud of you." That's what I do and it works for me, too. Sometimes I "see" my Mother's father, tellling a story and making us laugh and it inspires me to do the same. I can just "hear" my maternal grandmother say, "that's wonderful, let me give you a hug," upon hearing some good news from or about me.

But what is important is to be considerate of others in our shared spaces no matter who we let inspire our best behavior. That shows maturity, teamwork, the ability to compromise and honor boundaries. How can it be anything but good to be thought of as thoughtful???

Goals, Schmoals..... Why NOT to List Them for 2008

It's heresy to suggest that not being a slave to writing goals is preferable. The research on those who write their goals was done at a major university and proved the efficacy of written goals as a predictor for achievement and success. Call me Harriet Heresy if you will, but there is a case for NOT drafting the desirable.

Case in point: Barry Diller, currently CEO of IAC who ran Paramount Studios and Fox TV and is currently a WEB Wonder always on the cutting edge. In a TV interview, he was asked about writing and achieving his goals. Barry Diller laughed and said that he never wrote his goals because that would limit him. He started out in the mailroom of William Morris' LA office and could never have imagined to be where he is now much less write it as a goal.

His comments stick in my mind even though they run contrary to common wisdom. In rethinking my pattern and life, I'd have to agree. Who ever thought I'd be on a radio show and that the biz editor of the SF Examiner would approach me about a weekly Careers column? I said yes. Or that designing a career change workshop to help my teacher colleagues would lead me to author a best-seller? And then other books/bestsellers? And that my years of standing and addressing audiences (known as students) would lead to keynoting conferences and meetings around the world?

Have a dream, have a guideline and then do what the "you never know it alls" do: Say "yes" when you want to say no and just watch the world open up for you like it did for Barry Diller.

And your dreams? Please Post.

Silent Susan Emerges From Book Cocoon

Some bloggers do it daily, some weekly and others sporadically. And I have been Silent Susan for a while. Lest you think I wasn't writing, I was. The deadline for my new book is something I took seriously so that my time had to be focused on the editing, tweaking and finalizing of Face To Face.What amazed me was learning how few authors actually meet their contractual deadlines. IF I had one piece of advice for would-be authors, it's this: Meet your deadline. That's part of a contract and if you don't take the obligation seriously, you send a message to your editor and publisher that is not positive.

But meeting my deadline meant focus, focus, focus. I also had to be on the road for varying speaking engagements and one family celebration in Chicago so I planned around these dates. That meant that, while at home, I didn't have lunch dates or dinner plans and I didn't see plays in San Francisco. I did work out and exercise daily and watched my usual amount of TV and read my three daily papers as they were sources for content. I took breaks to see movies and attend the Mill Valley Film Festival but my nose was "to the grindstone" for six months.

My longtime friends know that I become Esther Sequester and allow me to retreat and reappear. They never come up with the patronizing "I know you are so busy". BUSY! NO! I'm not busy.. Doing busy work is not what an author does. There are days that I am in my office being busy...blogging, conference calls with clients, interviews with the media, drafting press releases or answering email. I might even be "busy" clearing and cleaning my desk. But the days that I am writing a book are not busy; they are all consuming. The reason is simple. The end result is a book that is going to engage audiences, set a context and share strategies that will be helpful for readers and be a valuable resource as well as an eminently readable one. That is an awesome responsibility that I take seriously.

I was writing and hopefully you will get to read the results in October, 2008 for Fireside Books. But for now, I am back in my life and blog!

One Person Who Has Made a Difference

It has been said that "one person can make a difference". I know one who has: Sheryl Silver, whose sister, Johanna, died of ovarian cancer. Sheryl decided that she had to do something so other mothers didn't bury their daughters and children mourn their Mothers. And she has. She started with the Congressman in Johanna's district. Sheryl Silver has worked tirelessly for years gathering support from both sides of the aisles in Congress, from women's groups and from parts of the medical community so that Johanna's Law was signed into law by the president.
Sheryl Silver, a journalist and author, continues to devote her time, effort and energies to Johanna's Law which provides for education on female cancers. Spread the word so that your friends and relatives are aware.
While other groups and people ---some of whom have high profiles---have since embraced the issue, I will never forget that it was a sister missing her sister who started the effort. Sheryl Silver is one person who has made an extraordinary difference and I am thankful she has.

The Mingling Maven's Guide To Party Planning

The Mingling Maven’s Guide to NO Fail Party Planning

IF attending a party can be a bit daunting, planning one is an ulcer waiting to happen. Whether it is a holiday party, a celebration or a 'NO special reason' gathering, I have learned a few lessons along the path to party planning.

Dinner parties are not my cup of tea as I don’t enjoy that type of pressure. But I have hosted six soirees both in restaurants, venues and even several in my home. OF course, none of the above involved my touching recipes, chopping tools or salting to taste.

The oven has been turned on to reheat the prepared food purchased from the local caterer at the market. And the microwave has zapped many a vegetable and side dish.

What I have learned along the path of planning a book premiere party, the “Tenth Birthday” bash for my book, 20th Anniversary of my business, and gatherings for my milestone birthdays were nothing compared to How To Work a Room’s 13th Year celebration --- its “BOOK Mitzvah”. Now that was a major undertaking and provided lots of lessons in Party Planning 101.

For your next gathering:

Have a theme, a reason and a dress code because everyone asks what they should wear.

Decide if it's a cook, cater or potluck party.
Plan the guest list carefully. ( It always helps if you have good friends who are interesting, congenial and fun. And they will still be shy even if they are outgoing with you).
Don’t invite people you don’t like or enjoy or who don’t mix well. KEEP the obligatory invitees to a bare minimum.
Decide if people can bring ‘guests’ or just spouses or significant others. Budget and room capacity are two considerations.
Do you want people to bring their children? IF so, put their names on the invite or address it to the Family.
Have a prepared response for people who ask if they can
bring guests, children, friends. Gauche as it is, people will ask.

Design a budget: food, drink, invites, decoration, room rental, music

Pick a venue. Check it thoroughly for accessibility. Be aware of parking limitations. You may want to hire a valet service.

Pick a hotel/motel if out of town guests are expected. IF you need several rooms, you may get a group rate.

Choose a menu with the guests’ need in mind. I always make sure there is enough for a vegetarian to eat well.
Beverages should be varied to include the non drinker.

Decide the heart-burning issues:
Cook or cater
Buffet or sitdown
Passed or served
Open bar, non hosted bar
Wine, Champagne or hard stuff and soft drinks
Nametags or a memory challenge
Timeframe reception (8pm or after)

Lighting/coat racks/umbrella stands?

Chose a photographer and/or videographer or have friends bring their own cameras.

Pick your invitations. Either use a printer, quick print of a laser copied invitation and a talented graphics person to design it. Or use Evite or one of its competitors if all of your guests are computer savvy.

Use nametags as a conversation starter. IF you do use nametags, add some tidbit that starts conversations. For one party I wrote the year that I had met each guest and that started their conversations with each other.

Plan your seating arrangement for a sitdown meal carefully. This is the biggest headache but well-worth the time. For one birthday I decided to have my guests change seats for dessert so they could meet another group of my friends. I also asked my most outgoing friends to act as “table hosts” and make sure all of my friends were included in the conversation. I wanted my teacher friends to feel as comfortable as my professional speaker friends and college friends.

INTRODUCTIONS make conversations happen and connect your guests to each other. Make sure you welcome each guest and introduce him or her to other guests by giving enough information, a point in common --said with enthusiasm so that they can continue and build a conversation without you.

Great hosts makes their guests feel welcomed, appreciated and important and are grateful that guests have chosen to attend their soirees. That's the secret ingredient to a recipe that includes good food, ‘beverages’, good guests and equals a “GOOD TIME for all”. Above all, HAVE fun and your guests will, too.