SusanRoAne/The Mingling Maven

"Signs" of the Times

     "Don't talk with your hands!" my Mother would always admonish.  For her, and others who were first generation Americans, people who talked with their hands were like the immigrants:  the Jewish, the Italians, the Greeks whose hands accompanied their conversation. To them, that was an element of 'old country' shame.  Little did they know that 'talking with hands' was energetic, expressive and make conversation (and most presentations) come alive.  And it was also the basis of a language spoken by millions: Sign language.

      When I taught in San Francisco, our school housed the classes for what was then called, the Hearing Impaired Program.  And the students who could be, were mainstreamed. Fortunately, one of the teachers, Lois Keenan, taught an introductory class to the teachers of the hearing. Because she became one of my best friends, I have been privy to her commitment to teach sign language.

      As the informative and brilliantly done, "must see" PBS special, Through Deaf Eyes , based on a book of the same name, teaching sign language was frowned upon at that time. But Lois Keenan knew that her students needed a way to communicate with their families. So she held a class in her home for the parents---far from the unapproving eyes of the program officials. She moved to Sonoma county and did the same. That class has mushroomed - over the years - into district sponsored and countywide classes for family, friends, and the community who either need or just want to learn sign language. Because she followed her heart and guts, bucking the tides and the officials, her "you never know" story is in How To Create Your Own Luck.

     Thanks to Lois, I have a few signs that I have used over the years. When I guest lectured at NYU last year, there was a deaf student and his interpreters in the class. When I introduced myself in sign language, he was so pleasantly surprised that I felt wonderful.  I have always thought that sign language was something with which hearing people should have some familiarity. That class cemented my thought.

     The advances in technology have given us closed captioning, advanced TTY systems, email, instant messaging, blogging and texting. And these technologies have helped to begin to level the playing and working fields for the hearing impaired.

     Can you 'talk with your hands'?  When you are working any room can you communicate by signing "hello"?  "Happy to meet you"?  "What's your name"?   And what are your thoughts? 

     Let me know susan@susanroane.com 

    

    

    

The SECRET of An Ad That ADDS Up

     Travelling on treadmills is a way of life when my keynote speaking business has me on the road. Although I prefer the aerobic walk through whatever city or town I am in, when it is a dark and/or stormy night or day, I hit the hotel treadmill. I have been known to practice my speeches out loud in empty fitness rooms. Or maybe they are empty because I am 'talking to myself'.  Often enough I will watch TV to pass the time as I "go nowhere" for 30 minutes.

     While the TV shows are often informative or entertaining, it's the commercials that can be captivating.  During the recent Super Bowl, I had matinee tickets to the San Francisco Ballet and was TORN. The truth is that I love the Super Bowl of Ads. Solution: tape the game and  fast forward through it to watch the commercials. And I did watch some of the game because Da Bears were playing and I am a native Chicagoan with many family members and friends who are fans.

     So there I was on a treadmill at the Omni in Atlanta when my new favorite commercial --- for the Royal Bank of Scotland ---rolled. It's a satire on the "positive attitude" feeding frenzy that is a growth industry here in the US of A.  I cracked up as I watched it. 

     Four people who have just attended a business conference are in a cable car that is going UP to their destination when the car lurches and begins to descend.  They become scared and one of the conference attendees pipes up with, (I'm paraphrasing) "We must have a positive attitude...I just took a seminar on it. All of us must think positive thoughts." As they begin to do so and "ACT POSITIVE"  (or positively foolish), one of the men sees a button and flips it. The cable car then reverses direction and continues its ascent.  The "purveyor of " positive attitude" takes all the credit.  The ad continues with a narrator who says, "Talking is no substitute for action."  Brilliant. 

     Positive attitude is good as long as we continue to have reality checks which may reveal something NOT positive that we need to know.  Positive attitude is good as long as it's accompanied by positive action. That ad sums up the real SECRET:  "Talking is no substitute for action."

     And your Secret thoughts???   Susan@SusanRoAne.com

Good Citizens? Good Luck!

     In spite of the popularity of  the books claiming we shouldn't "sweat the small stuff", the old adage rings true:  Little things mean a lot!  Those who are observant pay attention to little things. It's the backbone of good detectives who solve crimes and those who solve --- and avoid ---everyday business and life problems.  Paying attention to those little things can also contribute what makes us "good citizens". And that can make life easier, more interesting and more enjoyable for ourselves and for others. Our increasing rages--- from road to cell phone to restaurant--- would diminish.

     For example, do you take up two parking spaces in a crowded parking lot?  Or do you park your SUV in the compact space because you know the width of the car is the "same as a compact"?  Do you bring a basket full of groceries to the FAST checkout lane that specifies the 10 item maximum? When you notice a car trying to enter your lane do you ever slow down and let them do so? If someone allows you to enter a lane do you give them the "thank you" wave?  Do you thank your barista for the latte or capucino? Do you acknowledge the mail carrier or notice a doorman and share a pleasantry?  When you see in the periphery that someone is behind you, do you hold the door for them?

     Or are you an "eyes front and center, I don't have time" type of person? Living in any community means that we must contribute to that community's well being. Even if it's paying attention to the little things that make life more pleasant for others as well as for ourselves.  OK, here's the bottom line:  Be nice. Do the little gestures. Think of others.   It's what you were taught and what you have taught (or will teach) your children.  Play fair. Be a good citizen.

    As much as we may like it to be so, the world doesn't revolve only around us. It revolves around all of us.

      Your comments to the "Thoughtful Police"         Susan@SusanRoAne.com

    

    

The Meeting of the Great Minds

      I recently attended a meeting of the most accomplished, successful business leaders who is each an expert in her chosen field. All of us are best-selling authors, some with several best-selling books, and nationally recognized authorities who are also in-demand speakers and consultants. I am delighted to be part of the Women Gurus Network , a veritable Brain Trust of TEN. We work with corporations, companies and non -profit organizations to solve  their current issues and prevent future ones.

      This is the first group with which I have joined forces and I am glad I did.  The Gurus are  brilliant, acclaimed women who are also interesting, well-traveled and FUN.   Yes, I said that they are fun. At our first meeting, we had an agenda that we met and we laughed. While laughter was not on the agenda, it was a highlight for me.  Life is too short and, indeed too long, not to laugh.

      You, too, can find your natural network of colleagues. Simply invite three people who each invite someone who, in turn, invites another person. Decide if this is based on job title, college degree, favorite team, hobby or avocation. And you have your TOP TEN. Exchange emails, pick up the phone and set up a meet and greet. Be sure there are beverages of choice, some great snack food and terrific desserts and conversation will flow. Have an agenda. But be open to the tangential sidebars.

       For more about The Women Gurus Network,visit our site.

Face Time

      Face time is an old expression that describes that time which we spend in front of people: whether they are  our customers, friends, co-workers or clients.  Technology keeps us connected 24/7. All we have to do is press a few buttons on our phones or pdas or type an email and push a button and BAM...someone ---or many ---hear from us. BUT it's in that realm, known as face time, that contacts turn into connections and "lite LOL tlk"  turns into conversations that go deep.

      When the masters of technology gather to hear the pearls from their leaders, gurus and stars, "face time" is one of the big benefits.  Some people call it "networking" but that's not even close to being accurate because that's the followup process.  One of the business blogs mentioned that the "lobbycon" is where contacts are made, conversation occurs and connections are created and deals are developed...over a beer or a bit of the bubbly.  The lobby con is that informal part of the convention or meeting that is unplanned, unrehearsed and too often, undervalued. It's face time.

       Learn how to work a room and you will be sure to be ready to face face time...all the time.

        What do you do to face face time???    susan@susanroane.com or post a comment.

Ballet Up to The Barre

     Taking ballet barre classes as an adult has been an exercise in stretching beyond my range and comfort level. We really do those exercises done by ballet dancers that increase our capacities in so many ways. We stretch, extend, expand and take positions that are pivotal to our flexibility.

     While some people may jump out of perfectly good airplanes, others may spin or swim and others may kite surf or XTreme mountain climb, I am perfectly happy to be stretched to the outer limits of my life and limbs and, as a result, have become stronger and more limber in ways that are new to me.

     We have to hold positions and, sometimes, hold our ground.  Recently, I had to "hold my position" at the barre because a Ballet Barb Come Lately tried to bully me into leaving my place at the barre which is no way to work a room! Other times I might have just allowed that to happen. After all, we are told to "pick our battles" and "weigh in on what's important"... and lots of other palliatives. But on this sunny Saturday I was not willing to be bullied at the ballet barre.  I firmly held my ground because I was in position first (but not in first position).

   It reminded me of my days as a teacher when I told the students that when I spoke very quietly, they were really in trouble. Most importantly, my four years in the class had stretched my "stand up and be counted" muscle.  It would have been easier to give in but I thought about the precedent I would set.  If Ballet Barb succeeded in bullying me, she would do it to others because I had acquiesced and I would have been complicit.

   The lesson is that  "silence is approval". Before we give in or give up, we need to think of the long range impact.  Sometimes taking a postion (be it first, third or fifth) is not worth the time or energy. Other times, it's so very worthwhile because taking that position can elevate our self-worth.

   And that is priceless! 

   Please feel free to send this to any colleague, friend or relative who may need support for their positions.

   Have you had to stand up, take a position or deal with someone who encroaches?     Susan@susanroane.com

 

Tony's Duets

      Who could not be inspired by Tony Bennett???  He is my new hero. I was privileged to watch him perform for an audience of ob/gyns at their annual convention right here in San Francisco.  I couldn't help but smile thinking that it should have been cardiologists listening to him croon about where he left his heart. He was an icon then. Now he is Beyond Legendary.

       A most interesting aspect of his career is his brilliant marketing.  Talk about reaching across generations and genres and reaching down to the "young uns'.  The business gurus can learn from his marketing genius. Tony Bennett revived, reinvented and rejoiced in his partnerings with KD Lang and Diana Krall. With each new affiliation, another audience/market became part of his fan base. And the MTV generation proved that when the message is great, the messenger is embraced no matter how old.

    His current 80th birthday CD, DUETS, is a masterpiece of music and of marketing.  Tony and Barbra, Tony and Sting, Tony and Stevie, Tony and Elvis (Costello), Tony and The Dixie Chicks, Tony and Sir Paul McCartney and Tony and John Legend to name a few.  It doesn't get any better than that. Tony Bennett reached across and over and down and the results:  STAYING POWER, relevance and aging brilliantly.

   Tony Bennett is my hero and role model.

   And who is yours?   susan@susanroane.com

   

Nix the Mixed Holiday Messages

      The email arrives from someone I know... the subject says some version of "Holiday Wishes" and I think that is the subject of the email.  No sooner do I read through an opening sentence about some variation of "warm wishes for the holidays" then I glance at the next sentence and wince.

      It's a sales pitch for a product or service that is now more special because it is the holiday season. And there is even a 'Holiday Buy Now To Save Money" offer. In the last version of How To Work a Room, I disdainfully wrote about  a colleague who did precisely that.  Sad to say, these mixed messages have increased exponentially. Either wish me a happy holiday OR send me a sales offer, but don't mesh the two. Doing so negates your "warm holiday wishes" because the real wish is that I buy what it is you have to offer. 

     If you have a comment to offer, email me at   susan@susanroane.com

Office Holiday Party Principles

      Another article about mingling appeared in a nationally recognized tome. The tone of this one was more than a tad derisive. That's not very helpful to the person who has to attend a holiday party and must mingle with co-workers and finds that to be uncomfortable.

      We all know people that are great at parties: they look good, have great stories to tell, make us feel as if they have waited all evening to chat with us, listen with their eyes and ears and let their computers do the scanning.  Much of what the best of minglers do is replicable: read the paper to prepare small talk, have some interesting stories to share, compliment colleagues for work well done, include significant others with eye contact and conversation, are upbeat, introduce people  with gusto and respect and are fun to be around.

      And we have seen the office oafs.  They drink too much, do and say embarrassing things, tell inappropriate stories and jokes, take out their digital toys to "talk" to others who are not in attendance while chatting with those who are and forget that the office party is a BUSINESS event where business rules, both written and unwritten, and good manners, apply. In this day of cell phone and digital cameras, we want to be sure that the snapshots taken are all ones that pass our, "day -after test".

     In How To Work a Room, I wrote about the CFO of a company who told a consultant he would never dance at any office event of any kind as that is not how he wanted to be remembered.  I boiled it down to: NO DIRTY DANCING after the iconic movie of the same title.  As much as I love my salsa dancing, that advice still applies.

      The office holiday party is a great time to converse with co-workers, bosses and outside vendors.  Remember, the season is the reason and the party is an opportunity to strengthen connections, celebrate and have fun.

     For more information http://www.susanroane.com/tips/holidays.html

RoAne's Fab Five Small Talk Rules

     Smaller talk has become a BIG issue.  We have relied so much on technology that some of us can't chat without a keyboard in front of us. But life... and the holidays... give us many opportunities to talk to others.

  Rule One:  Shift your attitude. Small talk is how we find common ground and build conversations and connections. 

Rule Two:   Prepare. Read newspapers, zine's, magazines and blogs to find out what is going on in your world.  Pick 3-5 topics in case there is a lull in conversation. You'll never wonder, "What Do I Say Next?"

Rule Three:  Know your audience.  Talking about religion or politics could be a quagmire, a catalyst to great conversation or verbal quicksand. Start out with light subjects.

Rule Four:   Borrow Other Peoples' Lives.  We can't know or do or be interested in everything...but we may have a network of friends with diverse interests. We can borrow their lives. I "borrow" David's adventures, Terri's children, Becky's quilting and Jonathan's kite surfing to connect with others.

Rule Five:  Survive family feasts by the prior four.  You know your family and their dynamic and they are not changing. So, bring you favorite recipes and stories, ideas, commentary and questions(about movies, books, sports, food, TV shows or favorite hobby).  If needs be, keep it light, change subjects when necessary and bring your sense of humor to the family feast.

         Any small or big talk tips?  susan@susanroane.com