SusanRoAne/The Mingling Maven

Face to Face in the Political Space

Just returned from 14 days on the road to speak, promote Face to Face and enjoy friends and family.  Although I packed and repacked seven times, it was worth it.  A book event in Georgetown after my presentation for the Navy yielded a nice benefit.  My friend, Jody, who lives in VA. invited my young neighbor ---who's a freshman at Howard University in DC---for Thanksgiving. Sweet.

There were many discussions along the way with those who were like-minded and those who weren't. The best example is my host who listened to us "discuss" the candidates' merits and very quietly interjected his comment.  No yelling, no sarcasm, no name-calling.  He offered his position and opinion in a quiet dignified manner. And we listened because of it. As I wrote in F2F, it's all about respectful communication.

With one friend, who is my polar opposite, I took the "agree to disagree" approach.  "You know I adore you and we absolutely have opposing viewpoints." I said this with a smile and changed the subject.  There is enough going on in our lives, in the news, in our world to find another topic of conversation.  The ability to know how and when to do this is a great personal touch!

 

And your thoughts???  Post here.

On The Road Again

My fourteen day trip stared in Omaha and what a spoiler!  These are some of the nicest people on the planet: down to earth,  kind, lovely and of great humor.  We think it is the Buffet Effect.

My new friend and host, Shelley, drove me past his house on a main street in a NOT gated community. The last time she saw him was at the $1.00  movie theater. That"s my kind of guy!  THere are many lessons to be learned from Mr. B beyond the financial ones.

We all just need to lose our entitlement ego and get real! 

Bite Your Tongue---Seriously

I used to hear my parents tell me to bite my tongue when I had said something they thought should not have been said. It merely meant to "think before you speak". Or "heaven forbid that happens."  As retro as that may sound, it's sound advice. We need to start "biting" our tongues or holding our thoughts more often. 

There are just some things that are better left unsaid. If a colleague buys a new car, there's no point in expressing a negative opinion of the make, style or color. It's a done deal.  That lesson applies to many instances where our opinion/feedback/shared thoughts are ex post facto.

I've written it and said it and it bears repeating:  "Don't tell me you're frank, unless that's your first name."  It recently happened that a colleague make a comment about something that was a done deal that I could not change.   The negative and unnecessary feedback shocked me. Remember, the question we all should ask ourselves before we "tell our truths":  What's the point?  If your colleague already bought the car, your sister bought and worn the dress, your friend has a new hair cut, unless you can say something nice, bite your tongue.  Me, too! It's a smart and kind personal touch.

Security Measures... Measure up?

Or not.  Each airport has it's TSA personality. In Chicago, you don't have to take off your shoes if you have a chance to have your feet (with shoes) placed in an Xray machine.  Some machines pick up things that others don't. And many of the security systems are set off by cheap jewelry, flashy belts and even underwire bras. It's gotten to the point  that many frequent women travellers have taken to wear sportsbras for easy pass through.

In Lisbon, I set off the buzzers and somehow managed to explain to the woman frisking me that it was the underwire. Funny thing is that she understood through my "sign" language and smiled that knowing smile that most women who travel know.

But clearly the most thorough security system was at the synagogue in Lisboa on the Jewish New Year. Due to threats and possible attacks, there were 2 Lisbon municipal policemen on guard who acted as though they drew the short straws.  Far more interesting, were the two men who did security for the service. I hadn't received such a fifth degree in decades. BUT, these two men knew what questions to ask, were impenetrable and I watched them watch me as I answered. THEY LISTENED and OBserved for any oddity in my behavior. There were none so I finally got in.

Let's get these guys to train our TSA people in psychological communication and forget about the shoe removal forces of evil!

A Simple Customer Service Solution

I just returned from several days of speaking in the Midwest and, once again, was smitten with the down -to- earth, wholesomeness and very NICEness of the people.  We read about Contentious and Fierce Conversations, Dealing with Difficult People and a gazillion types of Dummies. But the simple truth is that if we want great customer service, we need to be great customers. Is there a magical or secret formula? NO! It's common sense and common courtesy.

Be NICE. Speak pleasantly to service and sales people. Forget being edgy, sarcastic or snarky.  In summation, if you want better service, be a better person.

I just talked to a sales associate at a major bookstore chain who told me she can't speak to customers. Trying to be helpful, I asked if she were shy as that is what I assumed she meant. No, she really meant she couldn't speak to customers who wanted her help as they are, more often or not, were on their cell phones... telling her to wait to help them... while they finish their comments to their phone friends.

 Have we lost our collective minds??? Apparently we have.  We need to reclaim our minds, our common courtesy and common sense. Then we will be assured of great customer service because we will have become great customers.

THE Referral Ruse: Anti Social Networking

There is a beauty in referrals that cannot be underestimated. From the brilliant Breck Commercial of yesteryear that I first highlighted in The Secrets of Savvy Networking (And I TOLD TWO PEOPLE) to a friend's comment about a fabulous mechanic, graphic artist or restaurant to today's fake "friends/consumers" who are paid to talk up a product, we pay attention to who or what is recommended. A goal of social networking sites is to capture that "endorsement" but there is a glitch. You can end up endorsing someone you don't know who asks for an introduction to someone you do. This recently happened to me.

I received an email from someone who had been flooding my inbox with an exasperating amount of emails asking to join him as a "contact" on a business social networking site, The introduction was provided by a colleague whom I've known for many years, respect and like. I clicked on "I accept"... with a faint hint of trepidation. I then emailed my buddy and asked about my "new business contact" and how he knew him. The answer was, "I don't but he asked for an introduction to you." Really. My mistake is that I should have emailed my contact first. But this goes to the heart of what a real recommendation and referral has: heart, real connection,first-hand knowledge and familiarity. Can we fake that? We are sure trying.

Can social networking -where we ask people we don't know to refer, recommend, link us to people they do know- match the enthusiasm, knowledge and familiarity of real time referrals, recommendations and networking?

I'll take my answer on the air! Or online. susan@susanroane.com

The Four Hour Work Night

Not many of us think that spending four hours "working" on a Saturday night is our idea of fun. Believe me, when I first placed a call to HP's customer service center, I thought I was in for many twenty-five minutes of my time. I had other plans for the rest of the night. But it was MY problem that needed to be solved. The computer whiz I hired reached an "off-shored" technician who was clueless and couldn't resolve the problem. Nor could the first two guys I talked to about the HP 6310 overriding my trusty old HPLaser 4L. Finally,after an hour the third guy brought in his mentor---the LEVEL TWO technician. She was patient,smart, persistent and her voice was lilting, lovely and confident.

Through glitch after glitch (not the least of it was my difficulty at reinserting ports, plugs and paraphanelia), she never lost her cool. She laughed when I said that I don't spend that much time on the phone with my friends. And she did again when I said that we had officially been on the phone for two and a half hours and that made her my new best friend. Finally at 11:15 pm, after 4 installations of software,this patient, smart and gifted technician who was beginning her work day on Sunday (there is a 12 hour time difference between India and California), solved the software glitch. I asked if she dealt with many irate customers and she had. But she understood their frustrations with a purchase that wasn't working. Lucky for me it was Ramya's day at the Help desk.

A four hour work night was not my idea of how to spend Saturday night, but I am thrilled I did. An aside, no matter how frustrated we customers get, yelling, cursing and insulting technicians (or anyone for that matter) does not solve problems. Remember that old saying about the flies and honey...it's right on the money.

Laughing SO hard, I Cannot Breathe

Comedian Robert Klein brought his standup act and material for a new HBO special to Mill Valley. He started in Second City when I lived in Chicago and has managed to stay true to his comic roots even as he segued into acting. Thank goodness! With a keen observational eye, brilliant wit and impeccable timing to boot, Klein captured and enthralled his audience. He started his act with a lovely ballad about his colonoscopy;never anyone's idea of a good time. The juxtaposition between the topic and the tune being crooned added to the irony.And the evening continued uphill from there. My friend, Patrica Fripp, who suggested we get tickets, laughed as hard as I did and that made the evening even better.Shared laughter doubles the pleasure. I laughed so hard that tears were dropping from my eyes and my breathing became difficult. I thought I would need the paramedics. Robert Klein literally took my breath away! I was exhausted and euphoric. If some laughter is good for our health, then this much laughter had to be curative. And it was. And it gave me something to talk about at a party the next night when I shared some of Klein's cuttin edge comments and watched others laugh as well. Treat yourself to a night in comedy club or an HBO special when your favorite comic is featured. Laughing till we cry is really good for our health! And who is your favorite comic????

Learning from a Master

Anyone who spends 67 weeks on the New York Times best-seller list has my admiration... and envy. Tim Ferriss has done just that with his unique The Four Hour Work Week. There is much to learn from such a Web 2.0 savvy and smart person. With a new book coming out in October, Face to Face, I decided to attend his workshop at National Speakers Association convention (after he was on stage break-dancing). Tim did not disappoint. His ideas and information were eye-opening and affirming. Having been a blogger for four years, I learned how much I could learn from someone with his skills and insights. It was refreshing and he was open, warm, down to earth and devoid of any arrogance someone of his success could have. Three cheers to Tim Ferriss for also being just NICE! Check out his site and blog Send me a Tweet!

Be a Good Guest in the Face To Face Space--- of Others

There is nothing as memorable as how we behave as houseguests. Talk about the most intimate opportunity we have to demonstrate who we are and our respect and appreciation for hospitality of others in the Face to Face space.  A recent visit to New York City- where I spent four nights with one friend and several with another friend- made me realize that being thought of as an "easy" and gracious guest must be our goal.

  Some tips I learned from the horror stories that have been shared with me:

  DON'T ever color your hair in someone else's home. They don't want their towels turned red or brunette.

  Clear toiletries out of the bathroom as hosts don't want to see your accoutrements strewn in their space. Clean up the sink and any of your hairs that may have vacated your head and landed on their floors.

  Keep your things/suitcases neat and as self-contained as possible.

  Don't bring your pets into a host's space, unless invited to do so,  Make arrangements for them before you leave home.

 Pick up some tabs whether it's for groceries, meals, theater or Sporting event tickets.  After all you are saving hotel costs thanks to your host. A gift of what they like is also a nice touch.

 Bring or buy your own food if you have food allergies or dietary preferences. Don't expect your host to be your personal chef.

 Clean your dishes.  Never leave your dirty dishes in someone else's sink.  One friend mentioned a houseguest (who will never be invited again) left dishes for her to clean.

 Ask permission to do those things you may like to do. Every host is different and has unique preferences. Honor them.

Honor the unwritten rules.  If your host likes the morning quiet for a cup of coffee and the newspaper, take a walk, read a book and be low-keyed.

Ask your host their time limits for your stay.

Remember the old saying:  After three days, both fish and company stink!