SOCIAL CONTRACTS: THE MEAL DEAL

Before I wrote The Secrets of Savvy Networking, I wrote about meal deals for the San Francisco Examiner. In the past 15 years, the issues have become more complex and we now have a whole "host" of inappropriate behaviors that baffle, undermine and, possibly backfire.  We accept or extend an invitation to a colleague, client, co-worker or cousin to join us for lunch or dinner. Then we foolishly demonstrate how inappropriate we are by NOT paying attention to our guest or host. We do this by our use of digital toys, scanning the room while the other person is talking or just not listening.

Some points to remember:  when we accept or extend an invitation for a meal we are giving our tacit agreement to implicit social contracts.  We "agree" 1). to be on our best behavior, 2).use our table manners as well as  all manners of social graces. Most importantly, we implicitly agree to 3).participate in conversation.

Three recent "dining" experiences prompted me to cogitate on the subject.  One was a thank you dinner I hosted for an acquaintance for a big favor she did for me.  She was so charming and a great conversationalist and sweetly asked permission to order the extra drink as she didn't want to impose. The food wasn't great but I said nothing. Why bring it up when she was enjoying her meal?  No point to do so. Another was a "milestone" birthday dinner celebration for a dear friend.  Through Open Table, I made sure they knew of my special requirements: "birthday dessert with candle" and that the check was to be handed to me, not in the middle of the table. The conversation flowed and it was the perfect meal in every aspect. All implicit social contracts were met.

But the third such event was a disaster.  My "very senior" friend and I went to a local, upscale restaurant.    "Karen" did not adhere to the unwritten social contracts. She complained LOUDLY, made awful remarks about the meal served to the fellow at the next table with accompanying faces and gag noises, and bragged about being a loud diva who speaks her mind. She even threatened she would go to the kitchen and "slap the chef "for her less than acceptable meal. And made comments about how awful my meal looked as I was eating it.  I'm sure my blood pressure went up a few points.

I was mortified! The last time I experienced that kind of petulant behavior was from Olivia but she was in her terrible twos.  But the corker was that Karen suggested she would just "eat in silence and preferred not to talk."  My "Inner Chicagoan" made me want to say, "Well why didn't you just stay home or go out by yourself?" You see, a huge part of the social meal contract is the agreement to converse. Whether it's the weather, the newest high grossing movie, political revelation or sporting event or BUSINESS information,  there is much to discuss, share and ponder. 

Have you ever had a meal with a "Karen" type or happen to be one?  Please know  if you don't abide by the implicit meal social contracts that we are taking note of your behavior. Stop it right now.

             If you have a Meal Moron story, let me know:   Post or visit www.susanroane.com