Kids on the Guest List

In the process of writing my new book, anything I read gets clipped, dated and filed and anything I hear is noted for bon mots to be quoted. Anything I do becomes fodder as well. If I watch TV, there are some good lines that I jot down (and always attribute... whether to the show and character). While I generally, "cocoon" and become Esther Sequester when I write, life still happens and there are those events I must attend and want to celebate.

What happens at those events always provides potential material. I recently attended a wedding, a post wedding party and a Bar and Bat Mitzvah (religious traditions, often followed by a party). Each one was unique but had in common the love, support and happiness of friends and family. One thing that I found interesting was the attendance of small children at evening events.

The "kid/nokid" conundrum plagues brides as people bring kids when they haven't been invited or will put the bride/groom on the spot by asking to bring their offspring when the invitations made their exclusion clear. When children are invited, some parents will do as my friends recently did. They flew across the country to celebrate a best friend's wedding and felt it would be a strain for their daughter to "behave' and enjoy a very long evening. They had a great time seeing longtime friends and so did their daughter who stayed with other friends and played with their children.

At both religious services there were infants/toddlers who took to crying/screaming. The shushing generally doesn't work at that age. At the Bat Mitzvah, it took the parents a few blood curdling yells to get up and take the child to the lobby. At the Bar Mitzvah, the parents did nothing for so long that I was stunned at their hubris.

That brings me to the case in point. This three year old who was just adorable and not at all ill-behaved but was just "being three". He parents had what could best be described in the language of diplomany as a "laissez-faire" approach. Their parenting was like the title of the old song, Anything Goes. He pretty much was left to do whatever he wanted for the evening party as they did next to nothing to watch or intercept their son.

There is no crime here. No laws were broken. What does happen when a three year old requires attention is that the light that is supposed to be shined on the celebrant, the center of our attention, is usurped. Not stopping and picking up that child reinforces that anything he does is fine. And so the child continues. And that is a breach of those rules we call etiquette.

No harm, no foul if it sits well with the host. Sometimes it's difficult, if not impossible, to find a babysitter. The only problem was that the game of "treasure hunt" musical chairs the DJ planned for the teenage guests required alot of scampering (running) so they could regain a chair. Twice the DJ had to pick up the little one who was crawling around the dance floor to be sure he wasn't hurt in the rush to chair occupation. The parents did nothing. Fortunately, their adorable son wasn't hurt...thanks to the DJ.

When we are invited as guests to celebrate life's events, we must always bring our manners, our consideration and our awareness of the public space even if we don't bring our little ones and, even moreso if we do.

I am not "kid-ding" you... let me know your thoughts. susan@susanroane.com

Comments

[Trisha]

Parents seem to think that their kids are extensions of themselves and it is OK to bring them to special events.
It's NOT ok without the blessing of the host.
Where is our sense of etiquette?