Asked to Toast, Don't Roast

        I recently attending a wedding for a wonderful couple. But I am still shaking my head at what was supposed to be a loving toast from one of the bride's dear friends. And it might have been just that had she not over "enjoyed" several hours of at the open bar.  You could tell that the friend was happy for the bride ;and then she added in  the "toast buster" comment. Much like the TV commercial, she went on and on about the bride's awful former boyfriends and bad choices. She meant to say that the groom is a Prince and he is. But her additional comments made us cringe.

      Making a toast can be a nerve racking experience. It's especially so if you aren't comfortable at a mic and not sure of what to do or say. I've given interviews on toasts for several magazines websites  and included some do's and don'ts in several books and audiobooks.

       IF asked to make a toast... be sure to remember it's NOT a roast. Doing a roast is dicey and not how you want to honor a friend, a colleague, a co-worker. And it can come back to bite you in a number of places.

      The toast is a 1-3 minute MAX speech that HONORS the subject.  The toast is never about the toaster ... only the toastees. Yes, you can tell a quick, but funny story. HOWEVER, get feedback on your 'funny' story prior to the event to be sure it really is amusing, charming and fun. And NEVER embarrassing. 

      Write it out. Practice it in front of a mirror... standing, smiling, using gestures.

       Find a microphone to practice with so that you knew how to use it before the big occasion. This isn't a digital phone... you shouldn't need to ask, "Can you hear me?"

      Have EYE contact with the audience.  I went to a wedding where the bride and groom and their fathers and maid of honor and best man all READ their toasts.  Not one of them made eye contact with the guests. But the father of the bride had NO notes, talked with his guests about his daughter and her husband in the most loving manner. And his stories were funny but NOTembarrassing. He was great!

      LOOK at the person(s) being honored so that the interesting, celebratory, fun, kind comments are directed to the honoree.

      Leave off the former bad girlfriends/boyfriends comment. It just has no place at a wedding.

      Above all, self impose a 'one drink before toast' limit and you won't have to worry about seeing yourself in an embarrasssing video on youtube!

      Any suggestions for "toasters"???    susan@susanroane.com. 

Comments

[Marisa]

Ehhhhhh, doesn't the bride know better than to have that particular friend toast her at her own wedding? For the best woman to be THAT plastered and for the bride to be THAT clueless about the "best woman's" drinking problem, makes me question if the bride even knew her friend at all. Personally, I have not been to any such weddings, but that does leave a lot of fodder for future writing material. One woman's cringing episode is another woman's best selling book material :-)