When Schmooze is Bad News

     The age old dilemma rears its ugly head when we see, know or hear something that is not positive. Should we share the message or keep it to ourselves?  Many years ago I saw a sorority sister's husband at a convention event with his arms (lovingly) around another woman.  In my naivete, I had assumed it was his doppelganger and not the man married to my friend. Several months later, in a conversation with a mutual friend, it hit me... that was "Ted" and not his stunt double. What to do??? What to say???

     Decisions, decisions.  I chose NOT to say anything. They were married with three young children and my friend was happy. What I saw could possibly have had a reasonable explanation, although to this day, none comes to mind. But more importantly, would this bit of news/schmooze accomplish anything?  Yes, my friend would know her guy was not the man we thought he was and a family could be destroyed. Perhaps I was gutless.  Other bad news I have shared when it was appropriate to do so: telling of a death of a friend's parent, an illness discovered by a relative, etc.  That kind of news rallies the support of the troops.

    I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I come from the "blurting out" of Bad News School of Schmooze. It's 28 years later and my friend is still married. I can still in my mind's eye see him at that event being untrue to my friend. BUT they are now grandparents who happily together enjoy their children, grandchildren and extended family.  And that makes me so happy that I chose not to deliver the news. 

    My best friend, Lana Teplick, CPA, has always been so very wise. Even as college kids, she would ask, "What would be the point?"  If we can't produce a good reason for doing or saying something, then we shouldn't.  At a recent presentation I was giving, one of the attendees decided to share a very negative comment his colleague made about me during a group activity. I was speechless! It was nothing I needed to know, especially with another 30 minutes of the presentation to go. What on earth was he thinking???  He wasn't.  There was not one redeeming factor in my knowing this bit of bad news schmooze. Just cause it happens doesn't mean we have to hear about it. What would be the point???

     And your point of view??? Susan@susanroane.com