Susan RoAne - Mingling Maven

Three Ways To Build Business Contacts

There are times that the thought of building relationships is daunting. Consider these the tips the next time you  have an opportunity to expand your network:

1. Say YES! when invited to a business networking event, a meeting, a party.  It's so easy to find multiple reasons to stay in the office, at home or in front of your computer. What you will miss are the unplanned, serendipitous moments that happen in the face-to-face space.

2. Avoid prejudgments. They're often dead wrong. The person "dressed for success" may have the outer appearance but that's all. The proof of my premise: Remember Susan Boyle's YOUTUBE video from Britain's Got Talent? The audience was against her, the judges looked snarky and she was "cheeky".  Such an unlikely contestant is now an international best-selling entertainer. What a gorgeous, stunning voice she has. Judging by her looks, her age, her presence, the audience laughed at her; until she opened her mouth and began to sing. She dreamed her dream and made it come true. Like Jennifer Hudson, she didn't win the contest but she won our hearts. .

Our lesson in business and in life: Don't judge a book by its cover! Drecky books have great covers, and some timeless, worthy books have very plain ones. If you don't believe me, check out best -seller lists versus GREAT BOOKS lists.

3. Talk to people who are alone.  They'll be pleased that you have. Start with small talk. "Are you a member?" "Have you been to this restaurant before?"  or my favorite, "Are those chocolate brownies as good as they look?" Food is of big interest to many of us. It has its own TV channel! Exchange ideas, thoughts, information and cards.

Bonus tip: FOLLOWUP! It's the key to building successful business relationships.

(This is one of my favorite of my book covers that reflects the content of the book)!

Goals Can Get In Your Way: Why Not To Write Them for 2012

 

 

   It's heresy to suggest that not being a slave to writing goals is preferable. The research on those who write their goals was done at a major university and proved the efficacy of written goals as a predictor for achievement and success. Call me Harriet Heresy if you will, but there is a case for NOT drafting the desirable.

   Goals Can Limit Vision

    Case in point: Barry Diller, currently CEO of IAC who ran Paramount Studios and Fox TV and is currently a WEB Wonder always on the cutting edge.  In a C-SPan interview, he was asked about writing and achieving his goals.  Barry Diller laughed and said that he never wrote his goals because that would limit him.  He started out in the mailroom of William Morris' LA office and "could never have imagined" to be where he is now much less write it as a goal. 

 

  CounterIntuitve Comment

      Diller's comments stick in my mind even though they run contrary to common wisdom.  In assessing my pattern and life, I'd have to agree. Who ever thought I'd be on a radio show and that the biz editor of the SF Examiner would approach me about a weekly Careers column? I said yes. Or that designing a career change workshop to help my teacher colleagues would lead me to author a best-seller?  And then other books/bestsellers? And that my years of being a teacher, standing and addressing audiences  (known as students) would lead to keynoting conferences and meetings around the world?

  Saying "Yes" Opens Doors

       Have a dream, have a guideline and then do what the "you never know it alls" do: Say "yes" when you want to say "no" and watch the world open up for you like it did for Barry Diller.

      And your dreams?

    

If You Have The Answers, I Have The Questions

There is a body of behavior that can best be described as baffling...along with rude and even stupid. It's repeated in many industries and simply confounds me.

1.Why do people who call to explore working together, a sale or a service NOT return followup calls or emails? 

2. Can hitting reply and offering a quick "we are going in a different direction" be that difficult?

3. Does "what goes around really come around"?

 I can't be the only person who received a call that goes something like this: "We'd like you to speak at our annual convention. Send a short proposal. Can we have ten copies of your books/DVD for the committee? Can you send them to ten different locations? Overnight".

   Sure, of course.  We follow through on the requests. And weeks go by. Dead silence.  Calls and emails aren't returned.

You Called ME!

   An assistant editor for a prominent online paper sent me an email, inviting me to be interviewed.  I got back to her within two hours but I must have not been in her "window". Although I emailed and waited to hear from her. Not a word. 

   BAD behavior. Bad karma.  You never know when the proverbial shoe will be on the other foot. Is this how you'd like to be treated?

   We know that you're busy and have a full plate. Who doesn't!  Be smart and kind enough not to leave people twisting in the wind. Let us off the hook.  When it's your time on the hook, trust me, you won't like it.

 If you don't know what to say, try this on for size:

   "I so appreciate your prompt attention and followup. However, the CEO decided to hire a mentalist." 

  Really, that was said to me by a very thoughtful meeting planner of a Fortune 100 company who was embarrassed by the CEO's decision when she knew the attendees needed help on business socializing with clients. But she was thoughtful and made the tough call (yes, she actually picked up the phone)! It wasn't an easy call but she had the savvy and grace to do that which wasn't easy.

  Let's make a promise to each other to be savvy, thoughtful and take the time to "remove hooks".

 

 

Does One Have To Be The Loneliest Number?

   After meeting a lovely, older widower at one of our local restaurants, my friend mentioned that he seemed lonely. She had met him the day before at another local breakfast cafe where also dined alone. 

When Loneliness Feels Painful

   In our conversation, he mentioned he liked to dance and we encouraged him to attend one of the local ballroom dances. That got us to thinking about the concept of loneliness. I was reminded of my Aunt Milly's comment, "Loneliness is such a terrible disease.".  Her point is well-taken.  Loneliness feels painful.

  Unlike a diagnosable disease, there are "cures" that are within our reach. Or outreach.  Social science studies conclude that being around others (in-person) is good for our physical and emotional health. We live longer and better if we have a social network of people we see face to face.

Back To The Curative Basics.

     Take back control.

     Make friends.  Have pals who like to do the things you like to do.  (Fishing, tennis, golf, kite surfing, opera, rowing or hanging out).

    

    Invite people to meet for a cup of coffee or beverage of your choice.  Most people don't initiate but savvy networkers do.

    JOIN a book club,(hiking or biking club, a bridge game, wine tasting group). Talk to the people in the group. This is easier because you already have something in common. You get the point.

    Take a class or teach a class.  When you have expertise, talent and experience...share it. Mentor the students. Or learn a language. Take a Social media class. Or woodworking class.

    Stay in touch with your friends and your longtime network. Pick up the phone, send an email, write a note.

    If you like to dance, attend a dance! Check your local paper or MeetUp.com.

    The Need To Be Needed

     It's so important to feel needed; it's that all important feeling that gives us a sense of purpose.

    Volunteer.  Think about your interests and inclinations. Volunteer to help those who need your time, skills and commitment.  Every community has organizations that need volunteer help. School children need your help.

    All you need is one place/one group to give your support, time and interest, feel needed and have a sense of purpose.

    Then one won't be the loneliest number.

    Your suggestions?

  

 

 

How To Completely Ruin Your Professional Reputation at the Holiday Office Party

 

Susan RoAne, author of the classic bestseller HOW TO WORK A ROOM®, has helped hundreds of thousands make merry during the holiday season with her tips and strategies. With tongue firmly planted in cheek,  here are ten sure-fire ways to completely blow it at the holiday office party this year

1. Wear your Bluetooth and use your smart phone to text and call throughout the event.
2. Save your appetite and fill your plate a couple of times. That’s why there’s food.
3. Bring your posse with you- a few more people (uninvited or not) at a party -make it better.
4. Wear sweats or jeans… after all- they are comfortable. Forget the holiday dress code. It doesn’t apply to you. A low -cut see through top is perfect to get attention.
5. Frequent the bar …the booze is free and it will make you relaxed.
6. Pontificate loudly on the overdone decorating, the commercialism of Christmas and the lousy economy. 
7. Interrupt conversations.  If they aren’t talking about you, they shouldn’t be talking at all.
8. Want to start a job search?  Be sure to make a pass at the boss or the boss’ significant other.
9. Don’t want to talk to people? Eat food full of garlic and onions.
10. Arrive at the party already drunk.

 

  Bonus Tip:  If you want to keep your job or get referred to a new one, avoid doing all of the above!

 

 

                   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Susan RoAne is available for interviews on workplace articles oriented around the holiday season.  Known as The Mingling Maven®, she is frequently quoted and has a following among journalists who regularly include her in their business and general articles. She has been quoted or featured in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning News, San Francisco Chronicle, Detroit Free Press, Seattle Times, New York Post, Harvard Communication Newsletter, Working Mother; Entrepreneur magazine, Cosmopolitan , MAXIM, and many more.  She has appeared on CNN, CBS, KNBC and CNNfn where she had her own monthly segment: The Mingling Minute.

 

http://www.susanroane.com

415 461 3915

Talking To The Big Kahuna

     It's daunting to know what to say first and next to that person who is important. Whether it's a boss, local celebrity, politician or BIG Client, The Big Kahuna is a person who may be interesting, open and welcoming of your conversation or greeting. 

     Tip One: Think of what you want to say.

     Tip Two:  Old-fashioned good manners, a Hi or Hello plus a smile and handshake are a good start.

     Tip Three: For more, click below.

 

     

Why Elevator Pitches Ought to be Pitched

Because they sound like one. And no one likes to be "pitched".  Should you be prepared with a 7-9 second response, in case you are in an elevator or event and asked what you do?  Of course. However, too many people sound canned when they give their over-rehearsed, prepared pitch as taught by so-called pitch coaches.

In music, perfect pitch is rare. So it is with business. The better alternative; be conversational! You'll sound unscripted, natural and confident.  Plan what you are going to say so that you are never left stammering. But practice it as though you were telling your best friend over a "beverage" until rolls natually and "tripingly" off your tongue.

The canned pitches...well, they ought to be pitched. They are so last season.

 

 

"You Never Know" Puts Us In The Know

                 How many times have you heard the answer, 'you never know', to questions you have posed or comments you have made?  "Why do I have to attend the company party?"  "I just don't feel like getting dressed up to go to cousin's wedding."  "Business cocktail parties are such a bore; why do I have to attend?""Why do I have to go to dinner with our customers?" Each event is an opportunity that offers myriad possibilities.

'You Never Know' is Sage Wisdom

                 As kids we often, if not always,  questioned when we HAD to go to something that was way less than exciting or interesting to us. The feelings of obligation seemed to overwhelm and they still do.  The answer we often heard as children was " Because I said so." As adults the answer that most often comes up is "You Never Know".  It's sage wisdom; a cliche, a thought full of hope because  'you never know' hints at a promise of something special that could await you.

A Good Reason for "Showing Up"

               We hear it from bosses, co-workers, friends and family. I bet if you listen hard you will hear it said many times a day and sometimes coming out of your own mouth. 'You never know' is something so often said that it no longer stands out. Yet it's an outstanding line of reasoning because being 'out there' means that you get to be part of what is going on.  Whether it's scoring tickets for the playoffs at a friend's party or finding out about a new company looking for someone with your degree and expertise while working out at the gym or hearing about a 'previously' owned sports car of your dreams at a relative's graduation ceremony, 'you never know' puts us in the know. 

Job Search Savvy

              Hearing story after story of colleagues and friends who found out about jobs, clients, sales and yes, even their soul mates, I knew that my own grandmother's words were universal.   In my speeches I shared it as my marketing philosophy because 'You Never Know 'applies to our business lives as well as to our personal lives.  That is why I wrote "You Never Know" which is how we turn serendipity into success. Entitled How To Create Your Own Luck, my book is a tribute to all the people who, like my grandmother,  believe in the hope that 'you never know' offers.
 
               If you have had a remarkable 'you never know' story... let me know.

               

Revisiting Blog Post #1

  As a blogger since August, 2004...and a fairly early adopter...I thought it would be fun to look back at what i called "My Maiden Voyage on the Blog Ship".  Here's my very first post with a current photo of me on the field at Gillette Stadium to "jazz it up."

Writing is Writing....or Is It?

    Although I have been published for three decades and my musings have appeared in newspapers, magazines, books and 'zines, I am new to the world of bloggers.  So there is a bit of reticence, shyness and feeling 'new' as I enter this new, huge, global room.

    Somehow this feels like a cut and paste of two things I have done for years:  encourage people to mix, mingle and work rooms and to write their stories, ideas and experiences. And it's I who needs my own 'noodge' of encouragement. Luckily I received that from Todd Sattersten, who is my blogging mentor, supporter and teacher. We all need a Todd in our personal and professional lives to nudge us forward and guide us through the slippery slopes.

How To Find a Mentor To Encourage Us

    They are out there and most often, willing to help, if they are asked... nicely.  In The Secrets of Savvy Networking (1993 and again in Face To Face: How To Reclaim The Personal Touch in Digital World, I devoted a whole chapter to the concept of Mentors:  What they are, how to get one and how to be one. My role model was Coach Bill Walsh of the San Francisco 49ers who mentored a generation of college and NFL coaches, guiding, advising and moving them along their  paths.

      People like to be helpful. Even more importantly, they like to THINK they are helpful.  It makes sense to give people an opportunity to help us as I did with Todd.  The caveat: turnabout is fairplay.  We get to help others whether it's coaching the PeeWee league soccer team, sharing successful strategies for job search, the best areas for windsurfing or how to start to blog. 

The First "Femtor"

    The late Sally Livingston, who encouraged me to formally start my speaking business, told me,  "Rather than call me your mentor, call me your "femtor". Because she coined that clever term, I attribute it to her. (If you ever see the term "femtor" you now know who coined in in 1983). To honor Sally's memory, I continue to give her credit for her "invention".
      
     I hope you have had a mentor, femtor or encourager in your life and that you get to know the joys of becoming one.  Thank you Todd!

  

Degas and Lautrec: Homage or Plagiarism?

One of Degas' Ballet Dancers  Norton Simon Museum

 

      A recent visit to Boston Museum of FIne Arts to see the Degas and The Nude exhibit reminded me of a trip to my home town of Chicago a while ago that HAD to include a stop at the venerable ART INSTITUTE... the scene of my very first field trip in the seventh grade.  But this time it was also the Montmarte Paris scene of Lautrec and his circle of artists, entertainers, the socially 'fit' and mis -fit.  It didn't disappoint.  I felt that I was at the Moulin Rouge and Chat Noir, strolling the streets in La Belle Epoque.

       What most struck me most was the side -by -side positioning of Edgar Degas' Woman Combing Her Hair and Lautrec's Red head.  Some might think of the Degas painting as an "inspiration" for Lautrec's version but others of us saw it in another light: the rip-off, the knockoff, the imitation. As I have said for years, imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery for those whose work has been imitated.

      As I sauntered through the 250 piece exhibit, I stopped cold at the quote from Degas about the striking similarities in paintings. I knew ---from personal experience of having my work infringed---that what one artist, musician or author sees as an  "inspiration" for their version of a work, the "imitation/inspiration" can also be copyright infringement, plagiarism or just plain unethical.

      I opened my purse, took out pen and paper to capture Degas' words:  "Lautec wears my clothes, but he tailors them to his own measurements."  The put -down was done so eloquently...Lautrec was a short guy (4' 11''---my size) so the tailoring was for someone who truly came up short. I have kept the Degas quote on my desk for years. Seeing the Boston exhibit and enjoying the works of Degas at the Norton Simon Museum  reminded me again of the thin line between homage and ripoff.

     It applies in all facets of our lives. The solution is easy: give credit where credit is due, be original and don't be a copycat!

      Striking the pose of one of Degas Ballet Dancers, A Bronze Sculpture  

 

Matchmaker as Connector

Savvy networkers are people who introduce, connect and match people and ideas in myriad ways. They listen to people and store information unconsciously in their "you never know" file.

 
Six Steps Of Savvy Matchmakers

When they learn of someone who has a interest or an idea or a need, they do the following:

   Remember that stored tidbit.

   Retrieve that tidbit and remember the source

   Enthusiastically describe the 1^st source

   Offer to make the intro but first check with 1^st source to get permission

   Follow up with contact info and send an informative, glowing e-intro to both sources

   Reconnect with both parties to "check-in"  (although, if they are savvy networkers, they would have kept matchmaker apprised).

 Power: Making Things Happen for Other People

  I wrote in The Secrets of Savvy Networking that anyone can make something happen for themselves but the savvy among us make things happen for other people.  That's how we are thought of as having influence and power.

   Since The Tipping Point we learned of Malcolm Gladwell's three types who tip points: The Connectors, The Mavens (experts) and the Influencers.  Sometimes they are one and the same.  Some times they aren't.

 I can promise you that this process is not difficult. It requires no power point slides or complicated charts or infographics to explain how to do it.

  We all do this all the time. If we are don't, we should!

 

 Sam takes his car to Mark, the auto mechanic.  Joan and Sam are on a neighborhood watch committee. Her car needs a thorough check because the engine knocks.  She mentions it to Sam at a meeting. Without hesitation or stultifying "action analysis", Sam highly recommends Mark's auto shop and gives her Mark's name and number. Joan respects Sam and knows he wouldn't steer her wrong.  She calls Mark and makes an appointment.  Because Joan is a small business person and knows how valuable it is to know the source of a call/customer, she mentions that it was Sam who recommended him.

 The Rest of The Story

Mark gives Joan the special customer treatment (although he does that with all customers).

Joan is thrilled and thanks Sam. 

Mark is even more thrilled with Sam's referral and sends him a giftcard to his favorite coffee place.  Why?  If you have to ask….

Acknowledging the source of business is important, smart and good manners!

 Did Sam recommend Mark in order to get a free thank you latte? Not a chance.  Matching people who can remedy problems, provide resources or offer information is second nature to Sam. As he is known to have said, "If I know someone who can help, why wouldn't I recommend or introduce them?  That would be withholding information."

Withholding information, a recommendation, connection or solution is not something a savvy matchmaker or networker would do. It's simply not nice!